Love Myself; Hate Myself
Often times I see clients who struggle with finding ways to love themselves when they have so much deep seated hate for themselves. I have found that most of the time this hate for themselves is deeply rooted in their trauma and lack of love for themselves as a result. Being able to use trauma therapies and empower them is a process that can take months to years. Even with constant reminders to love yourself it can be difficult to find this within yourself. My goal as the therapist is to help a client find this in any way possible so they may be at peace with who they are despite how much their trauma has impacted them.
A story I will share from anonymous:
After growing up in a household of ongoing discouragement from my parents to then witness my mother attempt suicide followed by being sexually assaulted twice in college, I wanted to no longer be me. I used work and school to find an escape in anyway possible. I hated who I was and despite my achievements I still continue to do so. I have learned there is no easy fix to my trauma. It is a demon I have battled for years and continue to do so. Loving myself does not come naturally and it is not easy. With my own self exploration and support, I have been able to find some security in myself. However, I still have days that hating myself comes so easy and self sabotage is my go to. I know that this is a life long battle and I hope that one day I can truly say I love myself fully with no hate in my heart. My goal of sharing this story is to help others who also fight these demons know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and reaching out can make a difference, even if it is small.
Stories rooted in trauma surrounding hate and love for oneself are powerful. If you feel this way about yourself, I hope you can find the strength to reach out because you are not alone.